bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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