Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
