I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Barsexuality is the new black.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
My vagina is very pro this idea
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
