Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
