you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
