So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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