I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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