I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
