3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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