i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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