Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
