is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
