Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize