Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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