I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
