I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
