According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize