first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I touched a dick in church today
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
