You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
