Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
