A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize