look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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