Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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