don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dicks are not precious.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
