oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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