I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
