fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
ttyl tear gas
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
