I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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