She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
