I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
