Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
