god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I believe in your delicious
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
