I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
