shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
