I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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