so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
