where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
