Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
