East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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