I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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