my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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