thus making me awesome and them whores
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
