So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize