We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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