hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
