I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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