I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
