how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
