so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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