I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
