i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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