so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
