Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
