Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
