And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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