No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
