i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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