He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
