How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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