I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
