my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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