im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
