so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
