Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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