Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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