this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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