at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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