do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
