I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
