I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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