Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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