i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
