She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
