He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize