: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
