If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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