Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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