how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
