so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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