So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
