even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
